For my Mother

Before these eyes of mine could see
when darkness still surrounded
I'm confident that in my soul
I heard your voice within me

And on the day I came to Earth
the light - the noise - overwhelming
it was your hands, your voice, your love
that protected and gently held me

Toddling steps, unsure of the path,
often sent me careening
but you were always there upon falling
with band-aids, hugs, and kisses.

But band-aids couldn't fix it all
when others tried to break me
you watched as I would push away
sure that no one loved me

Through all the drama and the tears
when parents just weren’t “cool”
when nobody could understand
and all the world was against me

It was you that brought me back,
with your love never failing
your quiet strength and endless faith
a solid, firm foundation

I’ve seen you kneel and plead with God
for more than twenty years now
to guide, guard, and bless your children
to bring them safely home

You may not know, but I believe,
you’ve answered your own prayer
A loving Father gave me a mother
who loves me every day.

My feet cannot dance

My feet cannot dance

My feet cannot dance
Catch a rhythm or beat
Cannot feel the way the music moves, repeats
My feet often stumble
Refusing to move
the way that I can see them, inside, do
I watch with a longing
Painful, pervading,
as you gracefully leap, creating.

I tell my feet, dance,
But they do not listen
My heart begs to sway,
To be lost in the music
But the music is trapped
Within my chest

Scornful smiles meet my feeble attempts
As light feet, twirls, grace, surround me
But if you could see within my mind
The beauty, the light, the emotion profound
Inside, I am moving, swaying, feeling
Expressing myself
There is no one mocking, or jeering, or judging
But only my own breathtaking beauty.
You cannot see, but I can hear
You cannot know, but I can feel
My feet cannot dance,
But my heart always will.

Perfect

I wish I was perfect-

like a cloudless sky, like a crystal clear diamond

I wish I knew all the answers you ask for-

Why can't I, where was I, how could I,

why not?

I've tried to excuse my errors, my faults

Pretend they've never been true

But I've finally accepted, I'm flawed, imperfect

Not all mistakes can be rubbed out

I wish I was perfect-

like a glowing sunset, like a summer's day

I wish I could tell you that I'm honestly sorry

that I care for you, I love you, I need you

But the truth is,

I don't anymore

Empty like the cloudless sky,

cold and hard as a diamond,

trailing darkness like the setting sun,

gone a swiftly as a summer's day

This winding path that led us here together

is parting here today

Sometimes loving is letting go

I'm letting you find out on your own

how to love and let go

Addiction

Yes, it's been awhile, I know.  Anyway, I finally for the first time wrote and finished a song on the guitar yesterday.  Here are the lyrics to it...(not really a poem, but hey, get over it.)

There were so many nights I tried to deny

the path I watched you take

There were so many times I tried not to cry

as I watched you walk away

Is it too late now, can you hear my voice?

As I call for you?

Your footsteps echo in an empty room

as all you know fades away

Cuz I hear your cries echo to the sky

as you try to hide the pain

Can’t you see I’m still waiting here

for you to run to me?

There were other voices stronger than mine

that tried to call you away

There were ropes that tied you once to me

but now they’ve begun to fray

It’s too late now, you’ve made your choice now

As the picture fade to grey

Don’t go too far down that road so long

where you’re sure to lose your way

CHORUS

BRIDGE

When the emptiness takes hold on you

 will it be far too late?

When the pain takes place of your soul

will you fight to start again?

CHORUS

So don’t run too far

run back to my arms

I’ll save you from yourself

Silhouettes

A twisted string tied up in knots
hung from the heart-shaped silhouette,
as rain fell on the window pane,
startling the ghostly shadow
that haunts the heart, for now.


A waterfall, cascading down,
can't drown the sound of thunder.
Words echoed around the room,
where listener sat, deafened,
holding, desperately, to sanity.


The knots were pulled,
and strained, and stretched-
all to no avail- the rain fell
harder, faster, as the string
fell down to shadow.


Head in her hands, mirrors
surround, unseen by listener,
holding together the seams-
pulled, strained, and stretched.
No words echo now.


The knots are undone, at last-
But alone now, no heart;
only shadow, and rain, outside.
The hauntings are gone, now,
tired and tremulous string lies.


Enveloped by white noise,
softly, gently, wrapped so tightly,
in the arms of one unseen.
A lullaby soothes soft cries
and mends the wounds so deep


String wrapped around the finger-
Never, ever, forget.
Warmth and starlight encompass
the heart in shadow, listener's
mind, together, at once, all right.
Peace permeates as rain slows,
the earth renewed again.
Painstakingly, strength to use
a heart so long removed, that will
never, ever forget.

If Only

Okay, this one is a little different from the others.  This one is a song actually, rather than a poem, by definition.  I wrote this my junior year after a very amateur attempt at a high school romance. Obviously, I was a little bitter.  I don't really still believe the words I wrote, but hey, it's good to go back sometimes and see how much you've grown since you last wrote something, right?  My favorite part of this song was the anaolgy, along with how relatable the song is.  I think.  Anyway! Read it :) please :) haha.

With every fairytale ending

come the words “happily ever after”

And with a kiss as they ride away

their love is sealed forever

If only life were more like fairytales

where the prince is always there

Instead of boys who break your heart

and leave it lying on the ground

Dragons that can’t be slain

And fathers who aren’t kings

Girls that can’t be princesses

is the fairytale I’m living in

Castles come in two room apartments

fairy godmothers don’t exist

And when the shoe finally fits

the price is far too high

If only life were more like fairytales

where happy endings never end

and dreams really do come true

and the prince is there waiting

just for you

My story may not be a happy ending

but it's all too common around here

I wait for my happily ever after,

for the prince to sweep me off my feet

someday

OCD

Okay, I admit, this one has been on my other blog before.  But I ran out of poems I wanted to post, so I'm putting this one on here.  It was one of my favorites I've written.  This is why I want to go into psychology.  I just love it. 

Silence all around you, voices begging in your head

Begging for death, for it all to stop, no more pain-

But it all continues-

The pain, the misery, the hell on earth

Incomparable, not understandable by any outside

The padded walls that line your mind

taking in the silent screaming that begs

for death, for it all to stop, no more pain..

There are no choices, only the driving compulsions

“not worthy, not worthy, never enough for her”

No happiness, no relief, no end to all the misery

Waiting for some sort of reprieve,

A release, some God-given way out

The days drag on with only disquiet

The small voice in the back of your mind-

“not worthy, not worthy, never enough for anyone”

Let it end-make it stop-the continual cry

For help, for love, for someone to try

Can’t change these feelings, rooted so deep

Eating, decaying, destroying all inside

Happiness was all you wanted, a chance to shine

But this curse, this gift, this hell on earth

Kills all in sight, destroys any light

You cry at night to someone, to anyone

For help, for love for someone to try…

You wait in the darkness.  Silence surrounds.

First one ray, then others will pierce through the night

Hope trickles in like rain in a desert

A hand pulls you up from the black of your mind

Another joins, then another and another

Till you break through the shadows

The daylight streams in, destroying all that blinds you

The journey is over-you’ve made it at last

The enemy’s defeated, humiliated, destroyed

No longer will sadness and gloom pervade

Your mind is your own, your choices to make

Lift up your head, break through and shine

It’s your day, it’s your time