Perfect

I wish I was perfect-

like a cloudless sky, like a crystal clear diamond

I wish I knew all the answers you ask for-

Why can't I, where was I, how could I,

why not?

I've tried to excuse my errors, my faults

Pretend they've never been true

But I've finally accepted, I'm flawed, imperfect

Not all mistakes can be rubbed out

I wish I was perfect-

like a glowing sunset, like a summer's day

I wish I could tell you that I'm honestly sorry

that I care for you, I love you, I need you

But the truth is,

I don't anymore

Empty like the cloudless sky,

cold and hard as a diamond,

trailing darkness like the setting sun,

gone a swiftly as a summer's day

This winding path that led us here together

is parting here today

Sometimes loving is letting go

I'm letting you find out on your own

how to love and let go

Addiction

Yes, it's been awhile, I know.  Anyway, I finally for the first time wrote and finished a song on the guitar yesterday.  Here are the lyrics to it...(not really a poem, but hey, get over it.)

There were so many nights I tried to deny

the path I watched you take

There were so many times I tried not to cry

as I watched you walk away

Is it too late now, can you hear my voice?

As I call for you?

Your footsteps echo in an empty room

as all you know fades away

Cuz I hear your cries echo to the sky

as you try to hide the pain

Can’t you see I’m still waiting here

for you to run to me?

There were other voices stronger than mine

that tried to call you away

There were ropes that tied you once to me

but now they’ve begun to fray

It’s too late now, you’ve made your choice now

As the picture fade to grey

Don’t go too far down that road so long

where you’re sure to lose your way

CHORUS

BRIDGE

When the emptiness takes hold on you

 will it be far too late?

When the pain takes place of your soul

will you fight to start again?

CHORUS

So don’t run too far

run back to my arms

I’ll save you from yourself

Silhouettes

A twisted string tied up in knots
hung from the heart-shaped silhouette,
as rain fell on the window pane,
startling the ghostly shadow
that haunts the heart, for now.


A waterfall, cascading down,
can't drown the sound of thunder.
Words echoed around the room,
where listener sat, deafened,
holding, desperately, to sanity.


The knots were pulled,
and strained, and stretched-
all to no avail- the rain fell
harder, faster, as the string
fell down to shadow.


Head in her hands, mirrors
surround, unseen by listener,
holding together the seams-
pulled, strained, and stretched.
No words echo now.


The knots are undone, at last-
But alone now, no heart;
only shadow, and rain, outside.
The hauntings are gone, now,
tired and tremulous string lies.


Enveloped by white noise,
softly, gently, wrapped so tightly,
in the arms of one unseen.
A lullaby soothes soft cries
and mends the wounds so deep


String wrapped around the finger-
Never, ever, forget.
Warmth and starlight encompass
the heart in shadow, listener's
mind, together, at once, all right.
Peace permeates as rain slows,
the earth renewed again.
Painstakingly, strength to use
a heart so long removed, that will
never, ever forget.

If Only

Okay, this one is a little different from the others.  This one is a song actually, rather than a poem, by definition.  I wrote this my junior year after a very amateur attempt at a high school romance. Obviously, I was a little bitter.  I don't really still believe the words I wrote, but hey, it's good to go back sometimes and see how much you've grown since you last wrote something, right?  My favorite part of this song was the anaolgy, along with how relatable the song is.  I think.  Anyway! Read it :) please :) haha.

With every fairytale ending

come the words “happily ever after”

And with a kiss as they ride away

their love is sealed forever

If only life were more like fairytales

where the prince is always there

Instead of boys who break your heart

and leave it lying on the ground

Dragons that can’t be slain

And fathers who aren’t kings

Girls that can’t be princesses

is the fairytale I’m living in

Castles come in two room apartments

fairy godmothers don’t exist

And when the shoe finally fits

the price is far too high

If only life were more like fairytales

where happy endings never end

and dreams really do come true

and the prince is there waiting

just for you

My story may not be a happy ending

but it's all too common around here

I wait for my happily ever after,

for the prince to sweep me off my feet

someday

OCD

Okay, I admit, this one has been on my other blog before.  But I ran out of poems I wanted to post, so I'm putting this one on here.  It was one of my favorites I've written.  This is why I want to go into psychology.  I just love it. 

Silence all around you, voices begging in your head

Begging for death, for it all to stop, no more pain-

But it all continues-

The pain, the misery, the hell on earth

Incomparable, not understandable by any outside

The padded walls that line your mind

taking in the silent screaming that begs

for death, for it all to stop, no more pain..

There are no choices, only the driving compulsions

“not worthy, not worthy, never enough for her”

No happiness, no relief, no end to all the misery

Waiting for some sort of reprieve,

A release, some God-given way out

The days drag on with only disquiet

The small voice in the back of your mind-

“not worthy, not worthy, never enough for anyone”

Let it end-make it stop-the continual cry

For help, for love, for someone to try

Can’t change these feelings, rooted so deep

Eating, decaying, destroying all inside

Happiness was all you wanted, a chance to shine

But this curse, this gift, this hell on earth

Kills all in sight, destroys any light

You cry at night to someone, to anyone

For help, for love for someone to try…

You wait in the darkness.  Silence surrounds.

First one ray, then others will pierce through the night

Hope trickles in like rain in a desert

A hand pulls you up from the black of your mind

Another joins, then another and another

Till you break through the shadows

The daylight streams in, destroying all that blinds you

The journey is over-you’ve made it at last

The enemy’s defeated, humiliated, destroyed

No longer will sadness and gloom pervade

Your mind is your own, your choices to make

Lift up your head, break through and shine

It’s your day, it’s your time

Swing, Swing

  I wrote this today because I was missing the days of my childhood.  I miss the carefree, warm summer days.  Life seemed so much easier then.  I wrote this specifically with this rhyme pattern because it is a simple, childlike rhyming scheme.  It follows the life of an unnamed little boy that can't appreciate, as no child can, what a dreamlike, wonderful childhood he has.  The imagery I imagined in my mind for this is Smoot park in Centerville, but it's supposed to be in someone's backyard, not a public park. If that makes any sense.  The ending is not meant to be sad, but rather a long-awaited homecoming for boy.  Anyway, feel free to leave comments :) Thanks for reading

Swing, swing, as the days fly by
little boy laughs as he reaches for the sky
Pirates and princes join in the fun
little boy smiles and lifts his face to the sun

Green grass tickles toes that reach
cool water rushes past the sandy beach
Playgrounds are castles, sticks become swords-
Rescue the damsel, win the dragon's hoard

Dream, dream, as the days fly by
little boy grows till he can almost reach the sky
No monsters or dragons are in sight
little boy leaps from the swing in mid-flight-

Green grass fades into autumn's brown
water is cold now, as it slows down
Playgrounds are dull now, sticks are broken-
lonely and saddened, afraid to be barren

Leave, leave, as the days fly by
little boy smiles as he leaves for the last time
Memories forgotten, left behind
little boy won't remember this in time

Grass grows long, unheeded at all
water grows wild, choked by the fall
Playground is overgrown, trees grow tall
forgotten by a child, no longer small


Time will replace any memories of this place
Its carefree solace, once, so endless
now waits in silence, for a break of the absence...
waits, waits, in vain.


Wait, wait, as the days go by
Old man trembles as he tries not to cry
First home changed so much by time
Old man remembers before it all went awry

Green grass welcomes the long awaited man
cool water laps over knotted hands
In trees shade, a figure lies, his last breath
a smile, as he's welcomed home by death

Tired

  This is one I wrote not too long ago.  I guess it fit how I was feeling today.  I need to start getting more sleep.  I am tired all the time and am finding it really hard to have any motivation to do my homework.  Sorry it's another sad-ish one.  I swear I'll find a really happy one soon to put up.

Today I fell apart

I ripped at the seams

I tried, and failed

I flew, then fell

I am so tired

This nightmare is following

I’m scared to sleep

For fear of this recurring dream

This broken mind is tired

I climb, only to plummet

Another mountain in the distance

The edge of the cliff lures me in

Until I slip over the edge-

Too tired to hold on

Each breath goes only so deep

Each step, only so far

Ahead looms the path

No respite permitted

 For this tired traveler

Too many times it’s happened

The fall, the break, the slip

Pushed forward by time

Back, by myself

This heart is so tired

Time

You guessed it, this is yet another poem from my anthology.  I picked this one today because I'm feeling like time is just what I don't have enough of lately.  I want to take apart my life, put some events before or after other events.  I want to slow it all down and have more time to think and reflect on the consequences of my actions and how they affect other people.  I want more time to make decisions that can change my future.  But all you can work with is the time given you.  So don't let a moment pass by, since you'll never have it again.

The sands of time constantly fall

Sometimes fast as lightening

Other times slower than a crawl

With time we’re always fighting

What we’d give for time to speed up

Or to let a moment last a lifetime

With time there’s never enough

Of daytime, of nighttime, or in-between time

They say time stops for no one

Not for the lowest servant

Nor the highest king

The sands of time keep falling

Though time won’t stop for us,

We’ll stop and wait for time

Wait till the time is passed

Passed like the past

Unspoken

  This is another one I wrote in 11th grade for my anthology.  It's about music :) My favorite!  I just love it :)

Each day is a new chance

To sit and create

The music that flows

So easily from inside me

With a deep breath,

I lift my hands from my lap

And place them gently on the keys,

Waiting for inspiration to strike

With a plunk of a note,

A chord is built,

A cadence forms,

Flowing fluidly, freely

Where words fail,

Melody comes in.

When thoughts falls short,

Harmony creates.

Each key creates

A complex pattern.

Each note alone is weak,

But together, become a song

The music in me

Is a language of its own,

The language inside

Of my heart and soul.

Still

  This is a poem I wrote for my 11th grade English poetry anthology.  I wrote it because I was feeling insignificant, but as it went on, I realized that no one person is insignificant.  We affect every single person we meet, in some small way, for good or for bad.  Feel free to comment :)

I sit still and watch as lives pass,

I a silent witness to each.

As my fears and worries paramount,

hundreds of lives rush by

without a though of who I am.

So many memories and tears and laughs

have walked the path I walk now.

I’m not alone

Although they’ll never know,

each life that brushes mine-

like a hand on a cheek-

their touch will leave a mark

some a caress, some a bruise.

What am I, but a hand

on the world’s cheek?

What is my purpose?

To touch each life for the better?

To leave my mark on this Earth?

Down

  Sorry these first two are kind of depressing, I'll put a happier one up soon.  This is one I wrote one day while I was bored in the library (Yeah! I'm so good at doing homework!)  Anyway...yup.  Feel free to comment guys.

I laughed if off-
the layers of hurt and scorn
weighing me, always,
   down
      down
        down
So many goodbye's
followed by hurried words
Sincerity's meaning lost.
I tried to fly, but you pulled me
    down
      down
        down
I waited so long-
but waiting for change
was like waiting for rain-
this desert keeps crying out,
but no coulds let rain fall
   down
     down
       down
I cried out once more-
silent, sinking, desperate-
But on deaf ears it fell.
It's your turn to cry now
as you call out for me,
pleading for me to slow
   down
     down
       down
Some bruises don't fade,
some burns linger on,
Some wounds will fester,
some hearts can't be mended.
Sometimes to rise again,
you must first fall
   down
     down
       down

*Silence*

  So.  As you can see, I started a new blog.  This one is just for my own writing that I don't want the public in general to be reading, since I'm a) not very good b) shy and c) still not sure how I feel about this whole thing. 
  The poem I'm putting on here today is one that I wrote for my creative arts project last semester and apparently she showed it to this semester's new class.  I had no idea. hahaha.  Anyway, hope you like it :) I'll probably usually put the poem title as the title of the blog, just so you know.

Sit in the silence, enveloped by darkness.

A stifling blanket of quiet surrounds.

Not a sound is heard, no whispers invade-

Screams echo silently in the mind.

The silence is deafening

Anxiety has ended, waiting is over.

Nothing remains but the bitter dregs of thought

that penetrate the thickest defenses.

The temptation to cry aloud is suppressed-

The silence is deafening

After trying so hard, your best, your all-

No words follow the closing of hinges,

only tortuous thoughts of anguish:

What if, maybe, if only…all empty.

The silence is deafening

No words can describe the pain.

No one can feel the ache left behind.

The incredible agony of hearing the words

unspoken, misery in every heartbeat.

Your silence is deafening